When we face distress, whether it be physical pain or emotional turmoil, we often seek support from our loved ones. But what happens when our partners fail to validate our emotions? This can lead to feelings of isolation, resentment, and doubts about the strength of the relationship.
Take Mary and Susie, for example. Mary, typically mild-mannered, surprised Susie by shouting at other drivers. Susie found Mary’s reactions aggressive and embarrassing, and her pleas for calm were seen as critical by Mary. Robert wanted comfort from his partner when venting about work, but instead, Sally jumped to problem-solving, leaving Robert feeling misunderstood. Claudia, training for a half marathon, was bed-ridden with the flu. Instead of empathy, Mark dismissed her distress, leaving Claudia feeling alone.
The common thread in these stories is the desire for emotional validation from their partners. Emotional validation involves recognizing, understanding, and accepting another person’s emotional experience. It doesn’t mean you have to agree with their actions, but rather acknowledge and understand their feelings.
Research shows that emotional validation can reduce heightened emotional responses and strengthen relationships. Some people may naturally excel at validation, while others may need to practice and learn the skill, especially in intimate relationships.
To strengthen emotional validation, focus on empathy, open communication, and self-care. Give your partner your full attention, acknowledge their emotions, and legitimize their feelings. Allow time for the validation to work before moving on to problem-solving. Additionally, create a list of calming activities to practice self-care.
By regularly practicing emotional validation and honing these skills in less emotionally charged situations, couples can build a stronger, healthier relationship. Feeling connected to our loved ones provides a sense of comfort, support, and emotional safety during difficult times. By validating each other’s feelings, we create a deeper understanding, trust, and love in our relationships.
