As she navigated her way through her second year of college, Zhenzhen found herself in therapy, trying to cope with the challenges she faced. However, the root of her struggles seemed to stem from her relationship with her parents. They constantly pressured her to meet their expectations, which included pursuing a career in business, returning to China, marrying a wealthy man, and starting a family near them. When Zhenzhen resisted, her father would yell, and her mother would cry, creating a toxic environment that left her feeling overwhelmed and even contemplating suicide.
Despite bringing up these issues with her therapists, they always emphasized reconciliation and the importance of family, viewing the situation from her parents’ perspective. It wasn’t until she came across Patrick Teahan, a licensed social worker known for his online presence, that she was introduced to a different approach. Teahan suggested that in order to heal from childhood trauma, it might be necessary to cut off contact with abusive parents. Many of Teahan’s clients have taken this step, describing it as incredibly difficult but ultimately rewarding.
Teahan offers resources on his website, such as a “Toxic Family Test” to assess family dynamics, guidance on how to draft a “no-contact letter,” and a community where individuals can support each other through the process of disconnecting from family. Zhenzhen, who chose to remain anonymous, decided to take action after graduating and finding a job. She experienced a sense of relief almost immediately after cutting off contact with her parents, although she initially felt isolated. Through Teahan’s platform, she connected with others who had gone through similar experiences, forming her own support system known as her “chosen family.”
The concept of cutting off family members for the sake of one’s mental health has gained traction, particularly on social media, where individuals share their stories of estrangement as a form of therapy. While traditional therapy often focuses on reconciliation and preserving family bonds, some argue that removing toxic relationships from one’s life can be a necessary step towards healing. It’s a decision that comes with its own set of challenges, including feelings of guilt, loneliness, and societal judgment. However, for many like Zhenzhen, it has been a transformative experience that has allowed them to prioritize their well-being and find a sense of belonging outside of their biological family.
In a world where family dynamics can be complex and fraught with emotional turmoil, the idea of cutting off family members as a form of therapy is a controversial yet increasingly accepted practice. While it may not be the right choice for everyone, for some individuals, it offers a path towards healing, self-discovery, and mental well-being. As more people like Zhenzhen share their stories, the conversation around the impact of family relationships on mental health continues to evolve, challenging traditional notions of familial obligations and the definition of “family” itself.
